How long should you wait to ask for money back? There is no official rule, but a good default is to mention it within a few days for small amounts and to follow any date you agreed for bigger ones. The key is not the number of days, it is that you ask kindly, specifically and before resentment builds.
You paid 64 francs for a taxi and a late dinner, and Jonas said he would "sort you out later". It has been nine days. Is it too early to ask, too late, or just awkward?
Advice online does not agree. Some columns say more than a few days is too long. Others suggest a few weeks for a small loan and much longer for large ones. Nobody can point to an etiquette rulebook, because there is not one.
Why there is no single "right" number of days
The right moment depends on three things: how much money it is, what you agreed when it was handed over, and how well you know the person. A 5 franc coffee and a 2,000 franc deposit are different conversations.
The most useful guidance found across sources is simple. If you agreed a date, wait until it passes, then follow up. If you did not, ask early while the memory is fresh.
A timeline: what to do and say from day 0 to three months
Use this as a guide, not a law. Slide the dates earlier for tiny sums between close friends and later for big, formally agreed loans.
Day 0: make the repayment easy
The best ask happens before there is anything to ask. When you pay, say how it will be settled: "I'll put it on my card, send me your half when you get home." Better still, agree a date for anything over a few meals.
"Happy to cover this. Can you send me your share by Friday?"
Day 1 to 3: the light nudge
This is the sweet spot for small amounts. Everyone remembers what it was for, and a quick message feels like admin, not an accusation.
"Hey Ines, 22 for the cinema and snacks last night. Here's my payment info whenever you get a sec."
About a week: the specific reminder
Assume the message got buried. Repeat the amount, the reason and how to pay, and keep the tone the same as before. No sighing emojis, no "as I said".
"Quick bump on the 22 from Thursday so it doesn't get lost on my side. Thanks!"
About a month: the honest check-in
Now it is worth asking directly, and a call or voice note can work better than another text. Ask when they expect to be able to pay rather than demanding it today.
"I know money gets busy. Can you let me know when you can send the 22? If it's tight, we can split it into two."
Two to three months: the clear conversation
By this point, silence from you may be read as "it is fine". Say plainly that it matters to you, offer a payment plan if they are struggling, and name a date. If this keeps happening with the same person, our guide on polite scripts for the friend who never has cash goes further.
"I'd like to get this settled. Could you send it by the 15th, or tell me what works for you? I'd rather sort it out than let it hang."
Small amount vs large amount: how the wait changes
The table below is a rule of thumb made up for this guide, not a standard. It shows how many people think about timing in the example amounts given.
| Situation | First ask | Follow-up | Best way |
|---|---|---|---|
| Under 20 CHF (coffee, snacks, a taxi share) | Within a few days | After about a week | Short text with payment details |
| 20 to 100 CHF (shared dinner, tickets) | Within a few days | Weekly, kindly | Text, then a quick call at one month |
| Several hundred CHF (trip share, deposit) | Agree a date up front | Right after the date passes | Written message with the date and amount |
| Thousands (a loan) | Agreed schedule only | On each missed date | In person or call, then written confirmation |
If an amount is big enough that losing it would hurt, put the terms in writing from day one. A short message confirming amount, date and how it will be repaid is enough. For legal questions about lending larger sums, check local rules.
When it is okay to ask sooner than you think
You do not need to wait if you paid for something shared, because that is not a favor, it is an even split. Asking the same evening is normal in that case.
It is also fine to ask early if you are tight on money yourself, or if the person has a history of "getting you next time". Being clear early protects the friendship. For the basics of tone and wording, see how to ask a friend to pay you back.
Common mistakes when waiting to ask
- Waiting until you are annoyed. A resentful message always lands worse than a cheerful early one.
- Hinting. "Money's a bit tight this month" is easy to miss. Name the amount.
- Apologizing. You are asking for something that is yours. Be kind, not sorry.
- Asking in front of others. Send a private message.
- No payment details. If paying takes effort, it gets postponed.
Let the timing take care of itself
Most of this awkwardness comes from tracking who owes what in your head, so nobody knows when a reminder is fair. Evens is a shared-expense app that keeps a running list of who owes whom in a group and shows how to pay. Optional gentle reminders can nudge people who have joined, so you do not have to be the one to chase.
Frequently asked questions
Is there an official time limit for asking for money back?
No. Etiquette sources give different answers, from a few days to a few months, and there is no rulebook. If you agreed a date, follow that. If not, a few days is a sensible default for small amounts.
Is it rude to ask a friend for money after a few days?
No. Asking within a few days about a clear amount is normal admin, especially for shared costs. Keep it short and friendly and include how to pay.
What if I waited too long to ask?
Ask anyway, without apologizing. Say something like "I should have mentioned this sooner", then give the amount, the reason and a date.
How often should I remind someone?
A light nudge after a few days, a reminder at about a week, then a direct check-in at about a month. After that, name a date rather than sending endless reminders.
Can I ask for a large loan back before the agreed date?
It is better to wait for the agreed date, unless your situation has changed. If it has, say so honestly and ask whether they can repay earlier or in parts.